The Sacred Struggle: Learning to Love Others When You Don’t Feel Like It

The Test of Love in Difficult Moments

You’re sitting across from someone who frustrates you. Maybe it’s their sharp words, their stubbornness, or a past hurt that lingers between you. Every part of you wants to pull back, to give up. But then you remember—love isn’t optional. It’s the bridge God asks you to build, even when the ground beneath feels shaky. And that’s where the real work begins.

Love sounds simple in theory, but when tested by frustration, disappointment, or emotional exhaustion, it can feel like the hardest command to follow. Yet, as Galatians 5:14 says, “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” This verse isn’t just about showing kindness when it’s convenient; it’s about embodying God’s love when it’s hard.

Here’s what I’ve learned about loving others when it feels difficult, and the soul-deep lessons God reveals through this sacred struggle.

Soul Insights

1. Love Begins with a Decision, Not a Feeling

The world tells us that love is something we “fall into” and that it should come naturally if it’s real. But biblical love is different—it’s a choice rooted in action. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love not through feelings, but through what it does: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

When I rely solely on my emotions, I find myself falling short. But when I choose love intentionally—whether through patience, a kind word, or an act of grace—I see its transformative power. One day, I remember being irritated by someone who had hurt me in the past. I wanted to be distant, but instead, I prayed for God to help me choose patience and understanding. That small decision reshaped the entire interaction.

“Love is not just something you feel. It’s something you do.” — David Wilkerson

Practical Application: Begin each day with a prayer asking God for the strength to love intentionally. When faced with frustration, pause and ask: What small act of love can I choose right now to reflect God’s grace?

2. Self-Compassion Is the Root of Loving Others

“Love your neighbor as yourself” implies that loving others well starts with how we treat ourselves. I’ve noticed that when I’m critical or harsh toward myself, that attitude often spills over into my relationships. But when I practice self-compassion, I’m more equipped to extend grace to others.

Matthew 11:28 reminds us to seek rest and renewal in Christ: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” When we neglect ourselves emotionally or spiritually, our ability to love others becomes limited. It’s not selfish to prioritize self-care; it’s necessary.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha

Practical Application: Reflect on how you treat yourself. Are you giving yourself the same grace you extend to others? Take time to rest, pray, and speak kindly to yourself. When you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to care for others.

3. Love Isn’t About Control or Expectations

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that love doesn’t guarantee the outcome I want. I used to think that if I loved someone well, they would change or respond positively. But love isn’t transactional—it’s about giving freely without expecting anything in return. Colossians 3:13 teaches us this through forgiveness: “Bear with each other and forgive one another… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

There have been times when I poured love into someone, only to be met with indifference or disappointment. But real love releases control and trusts that God is working behind the scenes, even when we can’t see it.

“Let go of what you can’t control and give it to God.” — Unknown

Practical Application: If you’re holding onto an expectation of how someone “should” respond to your love, release it. Pray for them and trust that God is doing His work, even if it’s not visible to you right now.

4. Love Grows Stronger Through Difficulty

Love isn’t refined in perfect conditions—it’s forged in the fires of challenge. James 1:2-4 reminds us: “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” The moments when love feels hard are the moments when God is shaping us.

One of the most challenging relationships in my life has been a constant source of growth. It’s shown me my impatience and the pride I need to let go of. Instead of viewing it as an obstacle, I now see it as a tool God is using to refine me. Every time I choose to respond with grace, I’m reminded that love is about growth, not perfection.

Practical Application: When you feel like giving up on loving someone, pause and ask, What is God teaching me here? View the challenge as an opportunity for spiritual refinement.

5. Love Reflects God’s Unconditional Love

I often fall short in loving others, but that’s where God’s grace comes in. Romans 5:8 reminds us: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love doesn’t wait for us to be perfect—it meets us where we are, even in our messiness.

When I meditate on God’s love for me, I’m humbled. I realize that my ability to love isn’t based on my own strength but on God’s limitless love flowing through me. Even when my love feels insufficient, God’s love fills the gaps.

Practical Application: When you feel like your love isn’t enough, pray for God to step in and fill the spaces where your strength falls short. His love is more than enough.

Final Thoughts: The Sacred Power of Hard Love

Loving others when it’s hard isn’t a sign of failure—it’s an act of obedience, faith, and transformation. It’s in the hard moments that we grow closer to the heart of God and reflect His love to the world. When love feels difficult, it’s an invitation to lean into God’s strength and let Him work through us.

If you’re struggling to love someone today, remember that you don’t have to rely on your own strength. God’s love is the well from which we draw, and it never runs dry. Love isn’t just about changing others—it’s about changing ourselves.

Today’s Challenge: Take a moment to reflect on someone who’s been difficult to love. Commit to one small act of grace toward them today and pray for God’s help to follow through.

Soul Path Insights