When I Became a Grown-Up, I Didn’t Disappear

A reflection on holding onto your core self as you grow

I used to think growing up meant letting go of the best parts of me. That childlike wonder. That deep curiosity about God. That desire to create, sing, draw, and explore the world freely—unbothered, untamed. I thought maturity would slowly peel those things away, replacing them with calendars, budgets, and the art of pretending to be okay.

But here’s the truth I now know:

I didn’t disappear. I just grew deeper.

🌱The Girl Who Never Left

At eight years old, I believed in God.

At twelve, I was chasing Him—eager to do the right thing, to see Him in everything.

I loved music, kept a radio close by like a heartbeat, and melted into art and imagination.

I believed in goodness and the beauty of wonder.

And now? I still do.

That version of me—the one who felt things deeply, who dreamed vividly, who longed to understand the world and create something beautiful from it—she’s still here. Only now, she’s layered with wisdom, perspective, and restraint. She’s still a dreamer, but she doesn’t whine. She knows how to pray through stress. She’s more protective of her time, her energy, her peace.

That’s what maturity looks like. Not erasure. Not reinvention. But refinement.

☕ A Moment in Brisbane

I remember sitting at a Starbucks in Brisbane with my sister, sipping coffee and asking her something I’d been wondering about for a while:

“Do you still think the same way you did when you were younger?”

She nodded and said yes.

So do I.

Our core beliefs haven’t shifted much—just grown deeper. That conversation reminded me that some things stay steady, even when life keeps moving. Maybe not everyone feels this way. But for us, the essence has remained.

📖 Childhood Ways

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul writes:

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

I used to flinch at that verse, thinking it meant I had to cut off the playful, wondering, creative parts of myself in order to be “grown.” But Paul wasn’t telling us to erase the child. He was saying to outgrow childishness—not childlikeness.

Childishness clings to selfishness.

Childlikeness clings to God.

🎙 Quotes That Still Resonate

“Growing up is losing some illusions in order to acquire others.” — Virginia Woolf

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” — George Bernard Shaw

“The creative adult is the child who survived.” — Ursula K. Le Guin

🌾What’s Changed—and What’s Endured

I don’t manipulate with a whine anymore.

I don’t expect others to read my mind or rescue me.

I don’t blow up over small things—at least not as often.

But I still wonder.

I still believe in beauty.

I still talk to God in the car, while cooking, while folding laundry.

And I still feel like a child sometimes—just one who’s been through a few storms and come out with a little more grit.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”

As I’ve matured, I’ve realized that the freedom of childhood wasn’t lost—it just shifted. There’s freedom in discernment. In knowing when to rest. In choosing who has access to your heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

And that’s what adulthood demands of us: not the loss of emotion, but the stewardship of it. Guarding what matters. Letting in only what aligns.

Matthew 18:3 still whispers:

“Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

So no—we were never meant to outgrow wonder. Only to outgrow entitlement, selfishness, and avoidance.

Soul Insights

1. You haven’t lost your core—you’ve built on top of it.

Growth isn’t abandonment of who you were; it’s an expansion. Think layers, not walls. Like rings in a tree or armor forged through fire, every experience has added strength and texture. But the center—the truest version of you—remains. You’re not a different person now; you’re a more complete one.

2. Maturity is knowing what to release—and what to protect.

Letting go is a form of wisdom. Resentment, fear, ego—these are weights you were never meant to carry forever. But other things, like hope, wonder, and childlike faith, are treasures to guard with everything you’ve got. Not everything from childhood should be left behind. Some of it was holy.

3. There’s a difference between being childlike and being childish.

Childlike hearts are full of joy, curiosity, and humility. Childish ones demand control, attention, and immediate gratification. One is a return to wonder; the other is a refusal to grow. Knowing the difference is part of the deep inner work of becoming whole.

4. You were never meant to outgrow wonder—you were meant to grow into it.

Wonder isn’t something to be shed with age. It’s something to re-inhabit with greater depth. As a child, you wondered instinctively. As an adult, you wonder with awareness. Fully awake. Fully alive. The journey isn’t backward; it’s inward and deeper.

5. Your upgraded self still runs on the same core system: faith, curiosity, and creativity.

These roots didn’t vanish with time—they evolved. What once showed up in playgrounds and questions now shows up in your purpose, your relationships, your imagination. The system hasn’t changed. You’ve just learned to use it with more intention.

🧭 Final Thoughts: You’re Still In There

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re still “you”…

If you’ve ever feared that maturity has erased something essential…

Take a breath. Look again.

You’re not lost. You’re just layered.

The child in you—the artist, the dreamer, the believer—isn’t gone. She’s wiser now. She knows her worth. She holds joy with two hands and doesn’t let it slip.

And when the world feels heavy, she still finds God in the music.

Still draws. Still hopes.

Still wonders.

You didn’t disappear.

You just grew up.

And in the best ways—you’re still growing.

🔍 Your Turn

✨ Let’s take a moment to reflect:

What traits or dreams from your childhood still live inside you today?

Which “childish” habits have you had to unlearn as you’ve grown?

And where do you feel yourself being called back to wonder?

💬 Would love to hear your story.

Share your reflections in the comments or with someone close to you—and invite them to explore their own return to wonder. 🌱

Soul Path Insights