Half-Here, Fully Honest

How I ended up in two events at once—with BTS in my eyes and personal growth in my ears.

Woke Up at 7am on a Saturday… Voluntarily.

Let the record show: I didn’t have to. There was no urgent flight to catch, no deadline looming, no one counting on me to show up. But I did.

For BTS.

And Mindvalley’s AI online conference.

And, honestly, for my own sanity.

It’s not every day you find yourself physically at The Space of BTS in Buena Park—surrounded by ARMYs, photo walls, merchandise, and echoes of healing—while also logged into an online personal growth summit about AI, purpose, and becoming your best self. But today? That was me. One ear tuned to a speaker talking about avatars, the other ear soaking in BTS tracks playing overhead, while I stood in line praying my portable charger wouldn’t betray me.

I was about 50% present for the conference, maybe 87% present for BTS, and the rest of me was just trying to survive off cold brew and adrenaline.

Conversations in Line, Longing in Between

There’s something sacred about going to BTS events alone. You’re solo, but never truly alone. ARMY finds ARMY.

Behind me, a Filipino woman and her daughter. In front, another ARMY from Dallas, visiting family in LA. We started talking—where we came from, how we found BTS, whether we’d been to Jin’s concert.

Neither of them had.

I tried to hide my surprise—but something inside me stirred. They missed a piece of BTS. That concert felt like a homecoming, a thread tying us back to Seokjin after so long. I know we all support the group—but even as the seven go solo, each one still needs to be seen. They carry the same spirit, just shining in different directions.

And as I stood there, that thought landed not just on them—but on me.

Not just in this moment, but in every single thing.

I need support too.

In my finances. My health. My spirit. My mind.

In the dreams I haven’t finished and the ones I’m scared to start.

In the weight I carry silently.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” —Ecclesiastes 4:12

God, please support me.

Not just situationally. Not just when I’m in trouble.

I need You in my DNA.

In the breath-before-speaking.

In the rest-before-working.

In the grit and the grace and the going.

Mindvalley in My Ear, BTS in My Bones

Back in the digital world, I caught fragments of the Mindvalley conference. I missed Vishen’s intro (thank you, multitasking), but I did hear a speaker named Iman talk about using AI avatars to scale your message. Write a script, clone your voice, let the avatar do the work.

I’ve already been thinking about that—for my podcast, my blog, my content that needs to breathe even when I’m tired. There’s an app called Elevate that requires 90 minutes of voice input to create your clone. I haven’t done it yet. Maybe because I haven’t had time. Maybe because I’m still wrestling with guilt around making things easier.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” —Matthew 11:28

It’s the starting that’s hard. But once it’s built, I know how to sustain. I just don’t know how to stop running on fumes while getting there.

Charging Stations and Other Small Miracles

After the pop-up shop visit, I found a Shell charger in Cerritos Plaza—one open port left. I pulled in like it was a parking-lot miracle. My dashboard said the charge would finish at 3:27pm. That gave me time to breathe, journal, and head back to West LA before tonight’s gathering.

I was still thinking about that other speaker—a former MTV exec whose name I forgot. He said something about training AI to know you. That sentence stuck with me. What does it mean for tech to reflect the soul of the person behind it?

I was multitasking hard today—Mindvalley, BTS, logistics, future plans—and realized something simple and sobering:

Trying to be in two places at once only splinters my attention.

And splintered presence steals the richness of the moment.

“You can do anything, but not everything.” —David Allen

🌀 Soul Insights

Solo joy is still joy. I went alone—but I still belonged. This was joy I didn’t borrow from someone else. I created it. Claimed it. Let it live in me. Presence is more powerful than productivity. Half-listening, half-feeling, half-doing… it all drains faster than just being. My spirit craves wholeness, not efficiency. Support isn’t weakness. Even light bearers get tired. Even the most stable ones need someone to say, “You don’t have to hold it all today.” Ease is not a cop-out. Automating my voice doesn’t cheapen my message. It frees me to keep showing up without losing my humanity. God doesn’t want fragments. He wants fullness. Not just the spiritual parts. The BTS-loving, Mindvalley-streaming, charger-finding, sleep-deprived parts. All of me.

🪞Final Thoughts: In Between the Beats

Today was layered.

I moved between fandom and faith, self-development and soul hunger.

I wasn’t fully anywhere, but I was honestly everywhere. And maybe that’s grace.

BTS reminded me that joy isn’t a performance—it’s a pulse.

Mindvalley reminded me that growth is a choice.

And God reminded me that I don’t need to earn support.

He’s already with me.

Fully present. Even when I’m half-here.

Your Turn

What are you multitasking through right now—and what would happen if you chose to be fully present?

Soul Path Insights