Don’t Label Me, Just Listen

When Empathy Turns Into Explanation

It started with a casual comment—one of those “offhand” remarks meant to be funny, maybe even sisterly.

“It’s probably perimenopause.”

Except I wasn’t laughing.

I had simply forgotten something, a completely human thing we all do. But suddenly, my distraction wasn’t just a moment—it was a diagnosis. And I felt boxed in. Labeled. Dismissed.

Let me be clear: I’m not denying the reality of perimenopause or what women go through. What I am pushing back on is the habit of using it (or any label) as a shortcut to understanding someone—especially when they never asked for that explanation.

Because the truth is, I don’t need to be fixed.

I don’t need to be explained.

Sometimes, I just need to be heard.

The Problem with Casual Labels

There’s a subtle violence in labeling someone’s emotional state without their permission. It might not be physical, but it chips away at something sacred: agency. Especially when it comes from someone who should know better.

We throw around labels like “hormonal,” “emotional,” “going through something”—and suddenly, someone’s genuine experience is reduced to a stereotype.

It’s a form of emotional shortcutting. And it’s deeply invalidating.

“The minute you label me, you negate me.” — Søren Kierkegaard

Here’s the thing: people forget things all the time. People get tired. People get emotional. That doesn’t always require a hormonal explanation. Sometimes it just requires compassion.

Proverbs 18:13 says, “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

And yet, we do it all the time. Especially to each other. Especially to women.

When Even Women Reinforce the Box

What hit hardest today wasn’t just the label—it was that it came from another woman.

Someone who should understand what it feels like to be minimized.

Someone who could’ve just listened. But instead, she reached for a tidy category.

“It’s a real thing,” she said, defending herself.

Yes, it is. But my emotions are also a real thing.

And I don’t need yours to cancel mine out.

It hurts more when the invalidation comes from the same gender, the same tribe, the same people who are usually the ones lifting you up.

When we reinforce the same stereotypes society uses to diminish us, we become part of the problem.

“I am not what you think I am. You are what you think I am.” — Deepak Chopra

What I Wish People Would Do Instead

Here’s a radical idea: just listen.

If I say I’m feeling off, believe me.

If I say I’m foggy or distracted, don’t reach for a label.

You don’t need to find the why. Just hold the what.

Romans 12:15 teaches, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

It doesn’t say analyze them while they mourn.

It just says—be with them.

You don’t need to fix it. You don’t need to name it. You don’t need to wrap it in a hormonal bow.

Just be present. And maybe ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Being heard is so close to being loved that, for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” — David W. Augsburger

Soul Insights

1. Labels feel safe—but they often silence.

It’s easier to assign someone a category than to sit in the discomfort of their complexity. But growth happens when we resist the urge to label and choose to listen instead.

2. There’s no expiration date on empathy.

Whether you’re 19 or 49, your feelings deserve to be met with care, not condescension. Getting older doesn’t make your emotions less valid—it just makes people more uncomfortable when they don’t understand them.

3. Female solidarity means listening, not diagnosing.

We talk a lot about sisterhood. But if we can’t hold each other’s emotional realities without jumping to labels, what are we really offering? True sisterhood holds space, not assumptions.

4. The desire to explain is often fear disguised as help.

When people rush to label what we feel, they might be avoiding their own discomfort. But your moment of vulnerability is not their classroom. It’s not your job to make them comfortable.

5. Compassion > categorization.

Every single time. No chart, label, or phase is more accurate than honest human presence. Listen with your heart, not your head.

Final Thoughts

So the next time someone around you seems distracted, moody, tired, or quiet—pause. Don’t rush to name it. Don’t project your own narrative onto theirs.

Let them be human.

Let them be messy.

Let them be heard.

Because healing doesn’t come through diagnosis.

It comes through connection.

And some of us?

We just need you to shut the label down—and turn the listening up.

Soul Path Insights