Why Is Love for Others Called a Debt?
Love is often described as a gift, a feeling, or an action, but Scripture takes it even further—it calls love a debt. This might seem like an unusual way to think about love, but the apostle Paul makes it clear:
“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” — Romans 13:8 (NIV)
At first glance, this might sound burdensome, as if we’re constantly trying to repay something we can never fully cover. But this is not a debt of guilt—it’s a response to the boundless love Christ has already poured out on us.
“We love because He first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19
Christ’s love is infinite, beyond what we could ever return. Yet, because we have received His love so freely, we are forever indebted to share it with others. Loving others isn’t about keeping score—it’s about living in the overflow of what we’ve already been given.
Love Is Not Something to Earn
For a long time, I thought love was something I had to earn. It wasn’t about repaying love so much as performing well enough to deserve it. If I did the right things, met expectations, or gave enough of myself, then I would be loved in return.
This wasn’t just about family—it applied to friendships, too. I believed that if I gave enough, if I proved my worth, then people would accept me. But that mindset is exhausting. Love isn’t a transaction, and real love doesn’t come with conditions.
When I became a disciple of Christ, that truth became undeniable. God’s love isn’t something we work for—it’s something we receive. No ifs, no buts. Just love, freely given. That realization changed everything.
Love Is Not a Transaction
Some people are experts at making you feel obligated to meet their expectations. They may subtly (or not so subtly) place demands on you:
• “You have to check in every day, or you don’t really care.”
• “If you truly loved me, you’d always be available.”
• “I did this for you, so now you owe me.”
This kind of pressure creates a false sense of responsibility—one that shifts love from a freely given gift to a weighty obligation. But here’s the truth: the only thing you truly owe others is your love.
I didn’t fully realize this until I experienced it firsthand. My last relationship made me feel like I owed him something. It wasn’t an outright demand, but the unspoken expectation was always there. As long as I kept giving him what he wanted, things were fine. But the moment I couldn’t meet his needs? He cut me off. Just like that.
And I thought, Who does that? Who just ends a friendship because they aren’t getting what they want? That’s when I realized: That wasn’t love. That was a transaction.
But what humbled me even more was the realization that I, too, had been conditioned to love with conditions. Maybe not in the same way, but I saw that I sometimes loved others based on whether they reciprocated. I expected people to match my energy, my effort, my kindness. And when they didn’t, I noticed how it made me withdraw.
That realization was humbling because unconditional love is such a high calling. It’s one thing to recognize transactional love in others, but another to acknowledge it in yourself. It made me reflect on how much I still need to grow in loving the way God loves—without conditions, without expecting something in return.
“Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.” — Romans 13:10
Choosing Love Without Expectations
Recognizing transactional love changed the way I approach my relationships. Now, I try to love without expecting anything in return. Real friendships aren’t about keeping score or trading favors. True friends do things for each other simply because they want to—not because they’re looking for payback.
This shift takes off the burden. It frees relationships from hidden agendas, guilt trips, or the pressure to always match someone’s effort. That’s not to say that love should be one-sided or that people should take advantage of kindness. There’s a difference between genuine love and manipulation.
There are moments when we may fall into patterns of using guilt to get what we want, even unintentionally. But that’s not love—that’s control. Real love doesn’t twist arms or demand repayment. And the beauty of true friendships, and even family bonds, is that they are forgiving. When we fail—because at some point, we all do—love gives grace.
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” — Nat King Cole
Unconditional love is something I’m still learning. It’s not always easy, but I know this: when love is free from conditions, it becomes lighter, purer, and more life-giving.
Self-Reflection: Are You Loving Freely?
Ask yourself:
1. Do I feel burdened by expectations in my relationships, or do I love freely?
2. Am I giving out of genuine care, or do I secretly hope for something in return?
3. Do I allow space for grace and understanding in my relationships, both for others and for myself?
Final Thoughts: The Freedom of True Love
Walking in love isn’t about keeping everyone happy—it’s about living in the freedom of God’s love and allowing that love to guide our relationships. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean withholding love; it means giving it in a way that is healthy, God-honoring, and sustainable.
Instead of striving to meet every demand placed upon you, seek to love in a way that reflects Christ—patient, kind, and free from manipulation (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). In doing so, you’ll find that the debt of love is not a burden—it’s a privilege.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” — 1 Peter 4:8
Let’s Talk: How Do You Love?
Have you ever struggled with transactional love, either in receiving or giving it? What has helped you learn to love more freely? Share your thoughts in the comments!
A Prayer for Loving Freely
Father, thank You for the love You have poured into my life—love that I could never earn yet receive so freely. Help me to love others in the same way, without conditions or expectations. Teach me to give without keeping score, to serve without seeking recognition, and to cherish relationships without fear of disappointment. When I fall into patterns of transactional love, remind me of Your grace. Fill my heart with the kind of love that reflects You—pure, patient, and freeing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
© 2025 Amelie Chambord
Soul Path Insights 
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