Can You Love Like Jesus Without Being a Doormat?

When Love Feels One-Sides

I remember the moment clearly—I had just finished setting up for an early morning church event, exhausted yet willing. I could have been sleeping in, but I wanted to serve. Yet, as I looked around, I realized that no one even acknowledged the effort. People came, enjoyed the event, and left.

That moment left me wondering: Is this what Jesus meant by sacrificial love?

I’ve often wrestled with what it means to love like Christ. Does love mean always saying yes? Does it mean endlessly serving, even when exhausted? Does it mean tolerating mistreatment for the sake of peace?

For the longest time, I thought being loving meant allowing people to take advantage of me. I didn’t want to be selfish, so I gave and gave—until I felt drained. But over time, I realized that Jesus loved sacrificially, yet He never let Himself be manipulated. He served joyfully, but He also set boundaries.

Loving like Christ isn’t about pleasing everyone—it’s about reflecting His heart with both wisdom and grace. This post explores how we can love others deeply without losing ourselves in the process.

Understanding Love Without Being a Doormat

For much of my life, I thought love meant always saying yes—yes to helping, yes to forgiving without limits, yes to putting others first, no matter the cost.

But then I asked myself: Is love really about allowing others to mistreat us?

I saw this struggle firsthand in my sister’s marriage. She stayed in an abusive relationship because she believed commitment was love. But deep down, I knew something was off. God doesn’t call us to love in a way that destroys us.

“Love one another deeply, from the heart.” – 1 Peter 1:22

True love is not about being a doormat. It’s about giving from a place of strength, not depletion. I had to learn that setting boundaries is not a lack of love—it’s an act of love. It protects both ourselves and others from unhealthy patterns.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown

Even Jesus didn’t let people dictate His actions. He withdrew when needed (Luke 5:16), confronted manipulation (Matthew 23), and never let people guilt-trip Him into doing something outside of His purpose (John 6:15).

So if Jesus set boundaries, why do we feel guilty about doing the same?

Laying Down My Life Through Service (But With Wisdom)

I express love through service—waking up early for church setup, being present when a friend needs me, or stepping in to help, even when it’s inconvenient.

But I’ve learned that serving without boundaries leads to burnout. Jesus calls us to love, not exhaust ourselves.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10

Service should come from joy and gratitude, not guilt or obligation. If I feel resentment or exhaustion, that’s a sign I need to reassess my boundaries.

I no longer want people to walk away thinking, Amelie is so kind. Instead, I want them to see God through me—to experience love in a way that reflects Him, not just my efforts.

Like the moon reflecting the sun’s light, I want to be a vessel for God’s light, not just a person trying to be good.

Loving Difficult People with Grace and Boundaries

One of the biggest challenges is loving people who are toxic, manipulative, or unkind.

I struggle when people disturb my peace, make unreasonable demands, or use guilt to control a situation. But I’ve realized:

✅ I can’t control others.

✅ I can only control how I respond.

✅ I don’t have to let their actions define my peace.

Instead of reacting in frustration, I choose to pray for them. But praying for someone doesn’t mean allowing them to walk all over me.

“Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” – Matthew 10:16

Jesus set boundaries when needed. When people tried to control Him, He withdrew (Luke 5:16). When the crowd wanted to force Him into kingship, He walked away (John 6:15). Jesus knew when to give and when to say no.

“Love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” — M. Scott Peck

Healthy love is rooted in both grace and truth. I can be kind but firm, forgiving but wise.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries While Loving Like Christ

1️⃣ Say “No” with Grace, Not Guilt.

• “I’d love to help, but I can’t commit to this right now.”

• You don’t owe everyone a yes.

2️⃣ Follow Jesus’ Example of Rest.

• Jesus withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16).

• You’re allowed to step back and recharge.

3️⃣ Check Your Heart Before Saying Yes.

• Ask: Am I doing this out of love or obligation?

• Love should be given freely, not forced.

4️⃣ Set Emotional Boundaries.

• “I care about you, but I can’t take responsibility for your choices.”

• You can love people without carrying their burdens.

5️⃣ Pray for Discernment.

• Some situations require grace, others require distance.

• Ask God for wisdom to know the difference.

Final Thoughts: Walking in Love with Strength

Love is not about pleasing everyone. It’s about reflecting Christ with wisdom and grace.

It’s knowing when to pour out and when to step back. When to serve and when to rest. When to say yes and when to say no.

When we love with both grace and wisdom, we reflect Christ in the most powerful way.

What about you?

• Have you struggled with balancing love and boundaries?

• What’s one situation where you had to set a boundary out of love?

Let’s discuss in the comments!

Call to Action: Let’s Connect!

If this post spoke to you, let’s keep in touch! Subscribe for more faith-based reflections, or share this with someone who needs this reminder today.

Soul Path Insights