Love and Patience: When It’s Hardest to Give

When Love and Patience Collide

Have you ever found yourself losing patience so quickly that love became the last thing on your mind?

I wish I could say I’m always patient and loving. But the truth is, when I feel unsupported, my patience wears thin—fast.

“Let all that you do be done in love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14

Love is easy when life is easy—when people meet our expectations, when things go according to plan, and when patience isn’t required. But what about the moments when frustration rises, when expectations fall short, and when love feels like the last thing we want to offer?

I had one of those moments.

I was driving, my car battery running low, and I asked my ex-boyfriend—who was in the passenger seat—to help me find a nearby charging station. It should have been simple. Instead, he kept suggesting places that were miles away. My patience ran out, and before I could stop myself, I snapped. In that moment, frustration overpowered love.

It wasn’t just about finding a charging station—it was about something deeper. I realized I had been carrying the weight of that relationship, feeling unsupported, like I was the one who always had to lead. That day, I saw how much I struggle to extend patience when I feel burdened.

This reflection led me to a crucial question: How do I love well when my patience is tested?

The Challenge of Love When Expectations Aren’t Met

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” – Joyce Meyer

It’s easy to be patient with people who meet our expectations. With a very close friend, patience comes naturally because he carries himself with confidence. Even when he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he finds a way to lead, and that makes it easier for me to trust and let go.

But my ex? I felt like I had to figure everything out myself. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I had to lead all the time—I wanted a partner, someone who could carry the weight alongside me. Instead, I felt drained.

This experience made me realize something deeper: I don’t just struggle with patience; I struggle with patience when I feel unsupported. I had an expectation of what love should look like—of what I needed—and when that expectation wasn’t met, frustration took over.

And yet, Scripture calls me to love in all circumstances, not just when it’s easy.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

This kind of love isn’t based on how others treat me—it’s based on who I am becoming in Christ. It’s a love that requires humility, grace, and the ability to bear with others even when they fall short.

Soul Insights

As I reflected on this experience, I realized that true love and patience are deeply connected—and that growing in one requires growing in the other. Here are five powerful insights I’m taking away from this journey:

1. Patience Is a Spiritual Discipline, Not Just a Personality Trait

Some people seem naturally patient, but patience isn’t just an inherent trait—it’s a spiritual discipline. It requires intentionality, surrender, and a willingness to practice it daily. Just as we train our bodies for strength, we must train our hearts for patience.

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” – Romans 8:25

Patience isn’t passive—it’s an active choice to trust God’s timing, to extend grace, and to love even when it’s difficult.

2. Love Without Patience Isn’t Really Love

If my love crumbles the moment I’m frustrated, was it really love to begin with? True love—the kind God calls us to give—is patient. It’s not love if it’s only extended when it’s convenient.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4

If I truly want to grow in love, I have to practice patience when it’s hardest to give.

3. Frustration Often Comes From Expectations, Not Just Circumstances

In my situation, I wasn’t just frustrated about the charging station—I was frustrated because I had an expectation that my ex would lead, and he didn’t. The deeper issue wasn’t the moment itself but the pattern I saw in our relationship.

When we place unspoken expectations on people and they don’t meet them, resentment can build. Instead of assuming, I need to communicate clearly, extend grace, and recognize that no one will meet my every expectation perfectly.

4. Prayer Must Precede Reaction

I’ve learned that when frustration rises, my best response isn’t to speak—it’s to pray.

Even a simple “God, help me respond in love” can shift my heart in the moment. If I want to act in love rather than react in impatience, I need to pause, breathe, and invite God into the moment before responding.

5. God’s Love Is My Ultimate Example

When I look at my own impatience, I see my humanity. But when I look at Jesus, I see perfect patience.

Jesus never snapped in frustration, even when His disciples didn’t understand Him, even when they lacked faith, even when they fell short. His love wasn’t based on their performance—it was based on who He was.

If I want to grow in love and patience, I have to fix my eyes on Christ, not on others’ shortcomings.

Final Thoughts: Love, Patience, and Trusting the Process

“Love is not about how much you say ‘I love you,’ but how much you prove it by your actions.” – Unknown

As I move forward, I don’t expect to be perfectly patient overnight. But I do expect to grow.

That growth will look like:

✔ Pausing before reacting when frustration builds.

✔ Praying in the moment for patience and wisdom.

✔ Releasing expectations that others should meet my every need.

✔ Practicing patience daily in small moments so that it becomes second nature.

I want to love well—not just when it’s easy, but when it’s tested. And that kind of love? It requires patience.

Tomorrow is another opportunity to grow. Another chance to choose love over frustration, grace over impatience. And with God’s help, I will.

What About You?

Have you ever struggled with patience when expectations weren’t met? How do you practice responding in love instead of reacting in frustration?

Try this:

Tomorrow, when you feel frustration rising, take one deep breath, say a short prayer, and see how it shifts your response.

Then, come back and let me know—how did it go? Let’s talk in the comments!

Soul Path Insights