Recently, someone mentioned how they don’t feel the need for a boyfriend, and it really resonated with me. It got me thinking about how many of us, myself included, have journeyed through the idea of love and relationships. We often seek a partner thinking it will complete us, fill the gaps, or validate our existence. But the truth is, the real journey begins with ourselves.
I’ve come to realize that everyone needs to work on themselves first. Before we can truly be ready for a relationship, we need to become the person we’re looking for in a partner. That means developing the qualities we admire in others within ourselves. While none of us are perfect, we can strive to cultivate those traits that we value the most.
This journey of self-development can take time, and it’s not always easy. But in this time, I feel that too many people are just looking for love to fill a void, to find validation in another person. They haven’t yet realized that true validation comes from within—it’s something we give to ourselves. For me, that validation also comes from my relationship with God.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14, NIV)
This scripture reminds me that my worth is inherent, created by a higher power, and not dependent on another person’s approval.
Of course, not everyone believes in God or a higher power, and that’s okay. If that’s the case, then the validation must come from within yourself. It’s about knowing your value, your strengths, and what you bring to the table, without needing someone else to affirm it for you.
In my life, I don’t feel the need for someone else to validate me or to tell me that they love me in order for me to feel whole. Sure, love is beautiful, and having someone to share life with is wonderful, but it shouldn’t be the sole source of our self-worth. When we seek love out of a need for validation, we place an unfair burden on our partners and set ourselves up for disappointment.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)
This scripture speaks to the importance of protecting our emotional well-being by not placing our hearts in the hands of someone else for validation.
This is something I’ve experienced firsthand. In a past relationship, I felt like my partner was an energy vampire—constantly needing validation, attention, and reassurance. He had a lot of insecurities and issues with himself that drained me over time. It became exhausting, unfair, and ultimately unsustainable. This experience taught me that it’s crucial for each person to deal with their own issues before jumping into a relationship. When both partners come from a place of wholeness, they can give to each other equally and build something truly healthy and supportive.
As the famous quote by Rumi goes, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” This resonates with the idea that love should flow freely, without the constraints of insecurity and neediness. Another quote that captures this sentiment is by Brené Brown: “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.” True love, then, is about mutual understanding and support, not about filling voids or seeking validation.
Love, in its truest form, is about kindness, understanding, and mutual respect. It’s not about needing someone to validate us or fill our empty spaces. We need to find that love within ourselves first before entering a romantic relationship. Too often, I hear stories of relationships that become burdensome, leading to inevitable breakups—just like what happened to me.
So, how do we approach this? Here are five Soul Insights that have helped me on this journey:
Soul Insights
1. Seek Validation from Within: True validation comes from knowing and loving yourself. Look inward for affirmation, rather than depending on someone else to provide it.
2. Cultivate Self-Love: Spend time nurturing your relationship with yourself. Learn to appreciate your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, and accept yourself as you are.
3. Grow Spiritually: Whether through faith, meditation, or self-reflection, find a way to connect with something greater than yourself. This can provide a sense of purpose and inner peace.
4. Address Personal Issues: Before entering a relationship, take the time to work on your own insecurities, fears, and past traumas. This will help you enter a partnership from a place of strength.
5. Build Mutual Understanding: In a healthy relationship, both partners understand and support each other. It’s about giving, receiving, and growing together, not draining one another.
Remember, you don’t need anyone else to complete you. You are already whole. The love you seek starts within you.
© 2024 Amelie Chambord
Soul Path Insights 
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