Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

Swipe left. Swipe right. Repeat. And then… silence.

If you’ve ever stared at your phone wondering whether dating apps are designed to connect people or just drain the last drop of your hope, you’re not alone. The modern dating scene feels like a digital desert—plenty of profiles, but oh so little water.

For those of us with a full life, a full heart, and a longing for genuine connection, the dating game has become more like a dating gamble. And when the odds are stacked with ghosters, breadcrumbers, and the classic “let’s just vibe” types—it can feel like romance has left the chat entirely.

Let’s talk about it—honestly, humorously, and with a whole lot of heart.

Dating in the Age of the App

Once upon a time, people met in coffee shops, churches, bookstores, or through friends. Now? We scroll through strangers like we’re browsing for snacks—except the options feel stale, expired, or mysteriously mislabeled.

I joined a few dating apps with hope in my heart and scripture in my bio. But after months of awkward conversations and men who ghosted faster than a Wi-Fi drop, I had to ask: Is this it?

I met a couple of genuinely nice guys—one seemed promising, but due to our schedules, we never actually met up. Eventually, he disappeared. He probably found someone else. The others? Some were just… weird. One came off a little creepy. A few were bluntly looking for one-night stands.

And don’t even get me started on the Christian apps. As much as I hoped they’d be better, I was met with fake profiles, unclear intentions, and an exhausting game of “Is this person for real?”

What started as hope turned into heartbreak-lite. It didn’t shatter me, but it drained me.

After a while, I felt scammed—by the algorithm, by the illusion, and by my own vulnerability.

“Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.” – Unknown

I don’t want to pretend. I want someone I can laugh with at 2 a.m. and pray with at 7. Someone who chooses presence over pretense.

Los Angeles, the City of… Situationships?

Dating in LA is its own brand of chaos. It’s a city filled with dreamers and doers, but also… the emotionally unavailable. Everyone’s “open to something serious” until it actually requires being serious.

Even Proverbs seems to sigh with me:

“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?”

– Proverbs 20:6

People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but in this city, most are just circling the bait without ever biting. Or they’re shallow water swimmers afraid of depth.

Honestly, when someone real comes along—someone consistent, kind, and clear—that’s a miracle. Love isn’t just rare; it’s sacred.

Reflection Prompt: When was the last time someone followed through on what they said they’d do?

A Real-Life Snapshot

Let me paint you a picture:

A guy messages me with deep questions about life, faith, and purpose. I think, Finally, someone who gets it. We text for two weeks. I suggest coffee.

He vanishes.

Gone.

No goodbye, no ghost emoji, not even a “sorry, I got busy.”

Was he abducted by aliens?

Unlikely.

Just another ghoster in the algorithmic wind.

What I’m Actually Looking For

Here’s my list. Some serious. Some silly. All sincere.

• A man who knows God—and isn’t afraid to live like it.

• Someone who laughs at dad jokes and maybe even makes a few.

• Emotionally mature, spiritually grounded, and relationally ready.

• Texts back in a timely fashion (a modern miracle).

• Knows how to pray and cook.

• Understands that vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s strength.

• And most importantly… someone who makes showing up a habit, not a heroic act.

Soul Insights

5 Truths I’ve Learned from the Swipe Struggle

1. My worth isn’t tied to a match.

My value was established by the One who formed me—not someone who may or may not reply to my message.

2. I crave depth, not just chemistry.

Physical attraction matters, yes. But give me spiritual chemistry. Emotional intelligence. A man who can pray with me and laugh with me.

3. Discernment is key.

Just because someone can hold a conversation doesn’t mean they’re holding the space for a relationship.

4. God is not limited by apps.

He can write love stories in the most unexpected places. Even if mine doesn’t start with a swipe, it can still end with a vow.

5. I am not waiting to be chosen—I’m already chosen.

Ephesians 1:4 reminds us we are “chosen before the foundation of the world.” That identity is unshakable. Love will find me as I walk boldly in that truth.

Final Thoughts: The Good Life Doesn’t Wait

So… where have all the good men gone?

Maybe they’re still growing. Healing. Learning. Or maybe they’re feeling just as frustrated, wondering where we are.

Here’s what I do know: I refuse to lose heart. I won’t stop believing in God’s timing, divine appointments, and the kind of love that’s worth the wait.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

– Proverbs 13:12

“Don’t chase love. Don’t chase fame. Don’t chase money. Chase being a better you and those things will chase you.” – Tony Gaskins

I’m still hopeful. Still healing. Still believing that when it’s real, it won’t feel like chasing, settling, or performing.

And if you’re feeling the same way? You’re not alone.

A Prayer for the One Still Swiping

God, help me trust Your timing. Help me rest in Your love, even when I long for someone else’s. Give me discernment, patience, and peace. And prepare the heart of the one who’s preparing for me. In the meantime, let me live joyfully, fully, and faithfully in Your love. Amen.

Let’s Connect

Have you felt this too? Are you tired of ghosters, swiping, and situationships? Drop a comment below, or reach out—I’d love to know I’m not the only one holding out for something real.

And to all the good men out there: we’re still here, praying, laughing, and living… waiting to match with your heart, not just your profile.

Soul Path Insights